Understand that their first reaction probably will be “what the fuck? People can sense your uneasiness about your disease.
” So allow them the courtesy of saying it (to themselves) in the privacy of their own bedroom while staring at their laptop. Feel comforted in the fact that you can’t see their hands flittering over the keyboard trying to come up with a supportive/appropriate/charming response. If you haven’t come to terms with it yet and are still in a phase of mourning your old life–you probably aren’t ready to date anyway.
Here you are, single again, but this time with children. I would also advise that you let your ex-husband know you are introducing someone to your children. It’s not just your life; it’s your kid’s lives too. You should introduce him as a friend and give your children the chance to get to know your guy in a fun, relaxed, no pressure atmosphere. My son actually liked my boyfriend so much he wanted to call him dad.
You finally meet someone you really, really like and want to introduce him to your kids. It's the respectful thing to do if you have a good relationship with him. Here are a few ground rules for introducing a new love to your children. A group setting allows children to feel non-threatened. Go Slowly: Remember, you might be in love, but your children need time to get used to a new situation. I had to take him aside and say, “I am so glad you like him!
Well at this point, the guy realizes that you really like him, he has you, and he’s no longer worried that he could lose you to another guy.
At this point, things are probably starting to get comfortable- you make plans regularly, you’re in contact more frequently, and a relationship seems just around the corner.
At the root of it, the same sense of insecurity that made the guy obsessed with finding out if you like him is now scaring him into thinking that you’re going to “take his freedom away.” Generally speaking, most guys have a fear of being “trapped” in a relationship, but in this particular scenario you’re dealing with a guy who’s actions are especially dictated by avoiding unpleasant situations as a primary motivator.
And let them have the ability to untangle this information before you sit down to your first date. You’ve got to love yourself–with or without the disease, if you’re going to expect someone new in your life to do the same. –but slamming your fist down on the table every time you decree a new amendment on how you will be treated as a partner is not going to win you any suitors. Remember that relationships are a two way street and you’ve got be willing to put out just as much as you need to take in.
Hopefully, by this time they’ll have let it settle in their mind a bit and will be able to ask you some appropriate questions about how your disease affects your life. Lead by example, and don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder that you leave in plain view. You need someone who is going to be there for you ALL the time. So why not start off this date making a mental list of how you’re going to improve life?
Whether you’re a profile on a dating site, or you’re chatting up a guy/girl on Facebook–make sure to drop the bomb before the first date. Why is it good to break the news online or even over the phone?
If they don’t want to go out with you after learning you have Crohn’s, Lupus, whatever–then that’s that. You have to be understanding of people when it comes to your chronic disease.
This is a community of those who believe love is colorblind.