Xkcd dating profile question to ask when dating a woman

Men, that is those that haven't offed themselves in some ridiculous stunt, will enjoy less competition for mates once they are past the age of 35. Barrel - Part 1 Many red spiders standing on and hanging from cuboids. Hammer Slide Figure holding balloon; Balloon gets caught in ceiling fan; Figure holds on and is pulled up So I'm a bad person. Hat Guy: A laughable claim, Mister Bond, perpetuated by overzealous teachers of science. Using the floor plan on the next page, plot a route through the building, assuming raptors take 5 minutes to open the first door and halve the time for each subsequent door. Scientists are also sexy, let's not forget that. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Man in front of the vastness of his infinite desert Narrator: Oh and... Still walking on a rocky desert. I never feel hungry or thirsty. Still walking on a rocky desert. Sand and rocks Zoomed out on a rocky desert. stretch to infinity. Sitting on a rocky desert. There's plenty of time for thinking out here. Drawing math in a rocky desert. I've rederived modern math in the sand and then some. in a rocky desert.]] Physics, too I worked out the kinks in quantum mechanics and relativity. Cuttlefish We visit a bio lab: Man and woman visit a bio lab where they look into a tank that the scientists point at. Scientist- "These are cuttlefish." Image of a cuttlefish They're frighteningly smart, have manipulating arms and tentacles, have ink jets, can dart backwards and see the polarization of light through their w-shaped pupils. The next three panels are blank Two couples appear in this next panel Guy: Are the raptors contained? " ' There's also a spike on the Fourier transform at the one-month mark where --' ' You want to stop talking right now.' Party Hat guy: And so I hired Rick Astley to show up at her party. Boy: Guess this isn't the Calvin & Hobbes-model toboggan. Foul of the third base line: Anal sex (fill in your won "Foul Ball" pun here.) Left outfield: 2outfielders1glove. ' Music DRM Interior, a man sits at his computer typing, woman enters Man [typing]: ..that's why music DRM is bad for listeners and artists! Woman: In case you didn't notice, we won the music DRM war. Woman: So close the comment thread, get out the debit card, buy us some music, and let's rock the fuck out. Westley's a Dick Buttercup: Oh, my sweet Westley! Science Montage Movie Science Montage One scientist passes a test tube to another, who's sitting at a machine. Lights and screens are shining, and there's a hamster ball and a Newton's cradle on a shelf behind them. There's a glowing sample next to a rat in a cage.With girls the response is usually something along the lines of a joking, "You jerk! Some people, like Randall, don't understand what a neg is. Because all of the guys talking like "fucking human being(s)" are boring and so obviously failing to attract the girls, that the girls think it's hilarious. But even if you disagree and think that normal is a good place to be, what about people who CAN'T talk like a normal human being?Unlike Randall, they actually go into the field and incorrectly try to neg a girl. What happens to people who didn't happen to develop normal social skills?There is no dialogue. Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, River, Kaylee, Jayne, Inara, Book. A pock-marked moon and a ringed planet are visible in the burgundy-coloured sky]] Man 1: That's a pretty boring answer. Man 2: It's the least boring answer imaginable. Person 2: Well, I can meet the plane at ten of six. Person 2: I'll meet him at the stairs before the gate. Dreams A is standing behind B, who is typing at a computer. A: You should be more careful what you write. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out before us. Black Hat shoots a rainbow colored ray from his chest - the Care Bear Stare. Hat man is holding his first and second fingers parallel and at an angle, and they are green. The next two panels are just text. Narrator: I can't do this. Gabe experiments with his art, always bold and fresh without trying to perform. Camera zooms out slightly Ron Paul: You take the blimp and fall back. Pattern of rocks on a grid. Each new row followed from the last in a simple pattern. Box: (That wasn't a question.) Arrow|Text=null Target=8b. kill the physicists" Waking up from his sleep "Oh god. Stick figure: I'm locked out, and I'm trying to get my roommate to let me in. A diagram of a baseball diamond. The "Base" Metaphor Explained Bases and x points are marked, as well as dashed lines covering the field. Along the first base line is "Your Base" Slightly right of that is a binary base: 0110 0010 0110 0001 0111 0011 0110 0101 0010 0000 0011 0010] Second base: Hands under the shirt and or licking Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants") ((The following are x marks. ((dry humping is on the "orgasm" side.)) Between third base and home: "Virginity" (Maginot) line.)) ((Arrows pointing out various other features: An arrow crossing the "Virginity" line: Teens. An arrow crossing the orgasm line in the outfield: Napoleon's forces.)) I once got to second base with a basketball player. TED Talk Randall Monroe on stage Randall - Hi. Cover-Up Hat Guy is holding blood stained rags while woman is holding an equally bloody mop Hat Guy: Okay, got the blood off the walls. Did you know "gullible" is written on your ceiling? Simple A man points to a diagram of a particle accelerator Man 1: Do you have any thoughts regarding the particle accelerator's tertiary F. One of the scientists pulls levers on another machine, which is shooting some kind of ray downwards a a sample. The other scientist is operating a machine with a scope, flasks, coils, and bubbles. Scientist (in panel): Paint flecks from the killer's clothing match an antimatter factory in Belgrade! Actual Science Montage Two scientists in lab coats and goggles place a sample into a machine. ' '...' ' Anyway, what were you saying about the movie? Admin Mourning A stick figure says to another black-hat-wearing figure. Man: I'm a poisson distribution! They're standing at the lip of the canyon, which isn't clear at all. Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. Attention, shopper Hat guy is holding a golf club and speaking into a P. system Hat guy: Attention, Hat guy: To the owner of a Dodge Viper SRT-10 with license plate "MYTOY", your lights are on and your windshield was just smashed with a golf club. I'm not sure if this is actually true Snakes on a Plane! We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. It throws Guy to the edge of the panel, pinned to the wall.]] I really shouldn't abuse that power so heavily. First man and his next line are also green.]] First man: Wait, what does that gesture even mean? Filler Art Text above plain stick figure Text: Sorry guys no comic today. alt-text: And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. Tycho's writing continues to astound day after day. Ron Paul tosses his cane aside Ron Paul steadily transforms into Tron Paul Narrator: RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL Light cycle begins to form Tron Paul bends over the light cycle Light cycle finishes its formation Light cycle speeds off, trailing an American flag It's time to draw the line. Zoomed out, pattern of rocks, shadow eclipsing it. With the right set of rules and enough space, Zoomed out showing pattern. I was able to build a computer. I knew it." XKCD - Salutes Bio Majors Bottle is pouring into a flask, and a man takes the flask and drinks from it If we join you against the chemists, will you train your fleshy minions to leave us alive? unplugged cell phone on table Stick figure: First I tried her cell phone, but it's off. Woman: I finished the floor Hat Guy: Good; he'll be home any- Oh crap! There's a clock on the wall.]] Time has passed. Machine: They examine the sample. Male Scientist: Okay, we've determined there's neither barium nor radium in this sample. ' G-Spot A study published in the journal of sexual medicine suggests that the g-spot may not actually exist. The end of the command line is a |grep sam. The server's uptime grows because you can't bring yourself to reboot and wipe out their last earthly presence The processes listed are screen, zsh, irssi, and grep sam. the ghost in zshell.In the next frame, Randall takes the obligatory shot at negging. He's a good friend of mine, and we lived together for about a year. The point of a neg isn't to undermine a girl's confidence (do you REALLY think that's possible with an extremely hot girl in a club? The point is to signal that you aren't intimidated by her and will treat her like a normal person. I made fun of her for accidentally spilling water on herself.My friends and I make fun of each other in a joking way all the time-- the response is always laughter, or maybe a counter-retort. She made fun of me for wearing dumb looking flip-flops. It's all in good fun-- call it negging, or teasing, or banter, either way it's playful and friendly.

||

Men, that is those that haven't offed themselves in some ridiculous stunt, will enjoy less competition for mates once they are past the age of 35.

]]

In this comic, Randall lists "long walks on the beach" as an interest on a dating profile.

Petit Trees (sketch) Girl sleeping on her side, facing away from view I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me. membership in wicca total firefox downloads positive slope graph Internet Explorer icon Keep the Faith Outline of a cross Thisadpaidforbythecounciltopromote Microsoftand Christianity. Baring My Heart A venn diagram with three sets Description of set 1: People who can always make me smile Description of set 2: People who constantly show me new things about the world Description of set 3: People I want to spend the rest of my life with Intersection point: YOU. { The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. Computational Linguists Hat Guy is standing next to a large badge which says FUCK Computational Lingustics Hat Guy: And the dumbest thing about emo kids is that... I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach. You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Blogofractal From the makers of the Blogosphere, Blogocube, and Blogodrome comes the Blogofractal A large rectangle subdivided into rectangles in a fractal pattern, most with a phrase or word inside Mostly left to right from top-left corner Trip Master Monkey says 118th Post!! At what angle should you run to maximize the time you stay alive? Raptors can open doors, but they are slowed by them. I think you mean "website." Man 1: Why don't you write about it in your blag? The wonderful thing about science is that it doesn't ask for your faith, it just asks for your eyes. Professor: Ah, then yes, we do have a bit of a situation. Man #2 observes a mote of dust vanish Narrator: So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something Man is rearranging rocks Narrator: I'm sorry. Narrator: ...sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from Free BSD to Microsoft Bob. 11th Grade Bar graph title: Usefulness to career success 900 hours of classes small bar 400 hours of homework small bar One weekend messing with Perl huge bar And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined. The next panel is blank Guy with hat fighting with a raptor using lightsabers Guy: It's all right. The Y Axis shows that as Y increases, Love increases.]] Man: "Our relationship entered its decline at this point." WomanOutside of panel: "That's when you started graphing everything." Man: "Coincidence! Windows 7 A girl is standing behind a guy sitting at a desk using his laptop Girl: What are you doing? Girl: Man, that ride failed to be a metaphor for our conversation. Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches. If it's even, the money goes to pro-choice activists. ' Hey, everyone, you can totally trust that I didn't do a word count on MY edit! Even if I spend months broke and drunk in a strange city, I'll still be able to use wikipedia and wikitravel to learn about anything I need. I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave. On the desk is a laptop displaying the Wikipedia page for autoerotic asphyxiation.]] Force-choking the chicken.

desolate badlands landscape with an imposing sun in the sky It's commonly known that too much perspective can be a downer. A: A girl whose only mode of transportation is the M. Gone with the Wind Frankly, my dear, I don't give a BITCH ASS SHIT FUCK DAMN Firefox and Witchcraft - The Connection? Although, strictly speaking, The Riemann-zeta function couldn't have given your herpes. Randall: When I say long walks on the beach, I mean LONG walks on the beach. FLICKR They're saying on Kos that articl tag Cloud Cory Doctorow is a little upset about copyright law. The top raptor has a wounded leg and is limited to a top speed of 10 m s. The picture has a legend "(Not to scale)".]] The raptors will run toward you. ' Sandwich A man is sitting on a couch, talking to another man. The two rocks have moved; an after-image of their previous placement is present Narrator: ...another instant ticks by. ' Tell me,' he purred seductively, as he and Obama formed a more perfect union. ' Decline A man is pointing at a line graph at a specific point where it slopes down. He should be better soon -- now that the Apple Store is getting rid of DRM, Cory Doctorow will get rid of his Steve Jobs voodoo doll. At the bottom of the hill, sled has stopped Girl: Which reminds me -- our anniversary is coming up. LISTEN - I' M STARTING TO THINK WE SHOULD ONLY TAKE THESE BREAKS AT HALFTIME. They said a team of chess players coached by someone with no understanding of basketball would never be competitive in the NBA! Neutrality Schmeutrality Trivia: It's possible to create events which Wikipedia cannot cover neutrally Man in Hat: In a week, I will be donating $1,000,000 to a recipient determined by the word count of the Wikipedia article about this event. Girls takes the kindle The top of the kindle says "Amazon Kindle" Girl scratches at the top Top of "kindle": Hitchhiker's Guid... Force Two EMTs are rushing Darth Vader away from a front door on a stretcher. There is a room with a desk in the foreground and a full-length mirror in the corner.

He just wants someone who wants what he does; to walk an indefinite, indeterminate distance well beyond the comfort and expectations of everyone else.

[A computer monitor displays the profile of a man named Randall on an online dating site.

There ARE certainly valid criticisms of pickup, but Randall took a cheap and inaccurate shot at it.

' Petit' being a reference to Le Petit Prince, which I only thought about halfway through the sketch Irony Narrator: When self-reference, irony, and meta-humor go too far Narrator: A CAUTIONARY TALE Man 1: This statement wouldn't be funny if not for irony! Girl sleeping (Sketch -- 11th grade Spanish class) Girl sleeping on her side, facing away from view I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me. membership in wicca total firefox downloads positive slope graph Internet Explorer icon Keep the Faith Outline of a cross Thisadpaidforbythecounciltopromote Microsoftand Christianity. Baring My Heart A venn diagram with three sets Description of set 1: People who can always make me smile Description of set 2: People who constantly show me new things about the world Description of set 3: People I want to spend the rest of my life with Intersection point: YOU. { The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. Computational Linguists Hat Guy is standing next to a large badge which says FUCK Computational Lingustics Hat Guy: And the dumbest thing about emo kids is that... I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach. You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Blogofractal From the makers of the Blogosphere, Blogocube, and Blogodrome comes the Blogofractal A large rectangle subdivided into rectangles in a fractal pattern, most with a phrase or word inside Mostly left to right from top-left corner Trip Master Monkey says 118th Post!! At what angle should you run to maximize the time you stay alive? Raptors can open doors, but they are slowed by them. I think you mean "website." Man 1: Why don't you write about it in your blag? The wonderful thing about science is that it doesn't ask for your faith, it just asks for your eyes. Professor: Ah, then yes, we do have a bit of a situation. Man #2 observes a mote of dust vanish Narrator: So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something Man is rearranging rocks Narrator: I'm sorry. Narrator: ...sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from Free BSD to Microsoft Bob. 11th Grade Bar graph title: Usefulness to career success 900 hours of classes small bar 400 hours of homework small bar One weekend messing with Perl huge bar And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined. The next panel is blank Guy with hat fighting with a raptor using lightsabers Guy: It's all right. The Y Axis shows that as Y increases, Love increases.]] Man: "Our relationship entered its decline at this point." WomanOutside of panel: "That's when you started graphing everything." Man: "Coincidence! Windows 7 A girl is standing behind a guy sitting at a desk using his laptop Girl: What are you doing? Girl: Man, that ride failed to be a metaphor for our conversation. Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches. If it's even, the money goes to pro-choice activists. ' Hey, everyone, you can totally trust that I didn't do a word count on MY edit! Even if I spend months broke and drunk in a strange city, I'll still be able to use wikipedia and wikitravel to learn about anything I need. I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave. On the desk is a laptop displaying the Wikipedia page for autoerotic asphyxiation.]] Force-choking the chicken. desolate badlands landscape with an imposing sun in the sky It's commonly known that too much perspective can be a downer. A: A girl whose only mode of transportation is the M. Gone with the Wind Frankly, my dear, I don't give a BITCH ASS SHIT FUCK DAMN Firefox and Witchcraft - The Connection? Although, strictly speaking, The Riemann-zeta function couldn't have given your herpes. Randall: When I say long walks on the beach, I mean LONG walks on the beach. FLICKR They're saying on Kos that articl tag Cloud Cory Doctorow is a little upset about copyright law. The top raptor has a wounded leg and is limited to a top speed of 10 m s. The picture has a legend "(Not to scale)".]] The raptors will run toward you. ' Sandwich A man is sitting on a couch, talking to another man. The two rocks have moved; an after-image of their previous placement is present Narrator: ...another instant ticks by. ' Tell me,' he purred seductively, as he and Obama formed a more perfect union. ' Decline A man is pointing at a line graph at a specific point where it slopes down. He should be better soon -- now that the Apple Store is getting rid of DRM, Cory Doctorow will get rid of his Steve Jobs voodoo doll. At the bottom of the hill, sled has stopped Girl: Which reminds me -- our anniversary is coming up. LISTEN - I' M STARTING TO THINK WE SHOULD ONLY TAKE THESE BREAKS AT HALFTIME. They said a team of chess players coached by someone with no understanding of basketball would never be competitive in the NBA! Neutrality Schmeutrality Trivia: It's possible to create events which Wikipedia cannot cover neutrally Man in Hat: In a week, I will be donating $1,000,000 to a recipient determined by the word count of the Wikipedia article about this event. Girls takes the kindle The top of the kindle says "Amazon Kindle" Girl scratches at the top Top of "kindle": Hitchhiker's Guid... Force Two EMTs are rushing Darth Vader away from a front door on a stretcher. There is a room with a desk in the foreground and a full-length mirror in the corner.He just wants someone who wants what he does; to walk an indefinite, indeterminate distance well beyond the comfort and expectations of everyone else.[A computer monitor displays the profile of a man named Randall on an online dating site. There ARE certainly valid criticisms of pickup, but Randall took a cheap and inaccurate shot at it.

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